Gifts and the Lost Art of “Thank-Yous”
Mar 17 2011 07:15 PM | Doreen Kukral in Raising Money Minded Kids
My kids know the rule in our home. If someone gives you a gift, you owe them a “thank-you”. Not just a verbal thank-you either… I’m talking about a written thank-you note. This tradition seems to have gone by the wayside. I sometimes feel like I spend a fortune on party gifts, yet we rarely see thank-yous arrive at our own home.
I was raised to understand that if I received a gift, it meant someone took time to buy it and spent their money as well. I essentially owed them my time in return, to let them know that I recognize what they did for me.
The thank-you doesn’t need to be extraordinary either… it just needs to happen.
Small children can simply draw or color a picture. Elementary-aged children can write “Thank you for the wonderful gift” and sign their name. Older children can be more detailed and specific.
You don’t need to buy special cards either. Any paper will do. It’s the message (and the lesson) that matters!
It helps children realize there is value in the gift and recognize they owe the return "gift" of a personal thank-you for someone’s generosity.
My children also know that within a reasonable amount of time, if a thank-you is not written and sent, the gift will need to be returned. Too strict? I don’t think so. This helps them recognize that they aren’t entitled to gifts just because it’s their birthday or a holiday. A thank-you makes them feel like they did a little something to earn the gift they were given.
When someone spends money and gives a gift, we do owe them a “thank-you” in return.
Doreen Kukral is creator of MomGoesGreen.com, a popular weblog that offers a glimpse into her family’s journey to "going green". With her contributions to Money Minded Moms she hopes to inspire others by sharing realistic ideas and information necessary to make wise choices where family health, wellness and environmental conservation are concerned and dispel the myth that going green is a costly commitment.
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4 Comments
cjknick
17 March 2011 - 09:12 PM
Oh my. Yes, this is a dying tradition with many. I'm a paper crafter and ever since my kids were young, say 5 years old until even now, they have made handmade thank you cards and handwritten notes inside. They sometimes have grumbled about it but that was too bad 
Now my oldest has gone off to college this year. She has received a few "goodie bags" or care packages and has sent everyone a hand written thank you note so it worked! I was so proud of her that she continued with this and so proud of me for successfully instilling something in her that I feel is important!
Now my oldest has gone off to college this year. She has received a few "goodie bags" or care packages and has sent everyone a hand written thank you note so it worked! I was so proud of her that she continued with this and so proud of me for successfully instilling something in her that I feel is important!
Doreen Kukral
18 March 2011 - 08:54 AM
cjknick - Bravo to you and your kids! Especially since it's something your daughter has continued on her own. She obviously "understands"! Don't get me wrong... my kids can grumble a bit too, but they understand why it's the right thing to do. We have even attended out-of-town weddings (extra expenses!) and never received a thank you note! It's shocking to me. (It made me want to cancel the "gift" check!) Thank you for joining me in trying to revive this wonderful tradition. It's a great lesson to teach our kids and a kind gesture, in return, as well.
Northern Cheapskate
23 March 2011 - 10:27 AM
Thank you so much for sharing this! Like you, I'm trying to teach my kids to say thank you and while they aren't writing their own thank you notes yet, I do write them and they write their names or draw a picture on them.
I have a young sister-in-law (14) who NEVER even acknowledges receiving a gift from us, let alone saying thanks. And I've seen her complaining about gifts she got from other people on Facebook. I've already decided that she's old enough to know better and that I'm not going to waste time (or money) shopping for her anymore!
I have a young sister-in-law (14) who NEVER even acknowledges receiving a gift from us, let alone saying thanks. And I've seen her complaining about gifts she got from other people on Facebook. I've already decided that she's old enough to know better and that I'm not going to waste time (or money) shopping for her anymore!
Doreen Kukral
24 March 2011 - 09:45 AM
Northern Cheapskate - You're welcome! You are definitely starting your kids on the right track... keep it up. When they reach an age where writing their own notes becomes possible, it won't come as such a shock and they WILL understand their responsibility when receiving a gift.
Sounds like little sister-in-law might need a reminder, and the absence of a gift will surely speak volumes. If you ever get questioned about why the gifts stopped, you have the door open to say "Well, you never say thank you, so you must not like the gifts... so I stopped sending unwanted things." Imagine her reaction! Thanks for commenting!
Sounds like little sister-in-law might need a reminder, and the absence of a gift will surely speak volumes. If you ever get questioned about why the gifts stopped, you have the door open to say "Well, you never say thank you, so you must not like the gifts... so I stopped sending unwanted things." Imagine her reaction!
Thanks for commenting!
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