[Katy]

I saw in the introductions that some members have "adult" kids who are old enough to be out on their own and financially responsible but are still relying on their parents for help in some sort. I think I'm against this idea under most circumstances but I'm curious about what you guys think.
I'm 23 and I'm a stay-at-home mom/part-time college student. My husband, who is 27, and I have a mortgage and a car loan among other bills. My dad never helped me learn about money when I was growing up and he doesn't help us in any way with money. My husband and I had to learn through trial and error how to balance our income and expenses and I think that if I had been able to turn to my father for financial help then we would actually be more irresponsible with our money because we would feel like we had a safety net.
I feel like parents who provide financial support to their adult children are only hurting them in the long run.

[baileygirl'smom]

Katy, you are exactly right. Keep doing what you are doing and in the long run, you guys will be just fine. I have watched, for the last 13 years, my in-laws bail out my husband's sister time and time again, they pretty much raise her child (no daddy involvement) and definately provide everything for him, they've bought her a place to live and swear she pays them rent, they've co-signed for her cars, pay her bills, balance her check book, etc. She is 30 years old and while she's "lived" on her own since she was 19, she's NEVER been independent. At times I get really disgusted (and a bit jealous) because my husband and I have worked hard to provide ourselves with a nice home for our daughter and to get to the point where I could stay home with her. When husband and I first moved in together, they called us like clockwork every month hounding husband for the $65 payment due on his college loan. EVERY month. We were so broke them we often ate dinenr at my parents and we did our laundry there

Hang in there. You are doing it right!

[Hedy]

Katy, on 28 November 2010 - 04:13 PM, said:

I saw in the introductions that some members have "adult" kids who are old enough to be out on their own and financially responsible but are still relying on their parents for help in some sort. I think I'm against this idea under most circumstances but I'm curious about what you guys think.
I'm 23 and I'm a stay-at-home mom/part-time college student. My husband, who is 27, and I have a mortgage and a car loan among other bills. My dad never helped me learn about money when I was growing up and he doesn't help us in any way with money. My husband and I had to learn through trial and error how to balance our income and expenses and I think that if I had been able to turn to my father for financial help then we would actually be more irresponsible with our money because we would feel like we had a safety net.
I feel like parents who provide financial support to their adult children are only hurting them in the long run.

Just my $.02-I am 26 and I live with my mother. However, I have a full-time job, pay my own bills, have a retirement plan, and am socking away money to move out soon.
Both my parents taught me a lot about money, and looking at my older brothers who lived at home for a short time, but are now independent adults, I do't think this is detrimental to us.

[Katy]

Hedy, on 29 November 2010 - 09:17 AM, said:

Just my $.02-I am 26 and I live with my mother. However, I have a full-time job, pay my own bills, have a retirement plan, and am socking away money to move out soon.
Both my parents taught me a lot about money, and looking at my older brothers who lived at home for a short time, but are now independent adults, I do't think this is detrimental to us.

Your situation is an understandable one. It sounds as if you are very responsible with your money and not using your parents to bail you out. I am just confused by the parents that continuously bail out their adult children. I think that parents should help their children without allowing the children to remain dependent on their parents' money.

[baileygirl'smom]

Hedy, on 29 November 2010 - 09:17 AM, said:

Just my $.02-I am 26 and I live with my mother. However, I have a full-time job, pay my own bills, have a retirement plan, and am socking away money to move out soon.
Both my parents taught me a lot about money, and looking at my older brothers who lived at home for a short time, but are now independent adults, I do't think this is detrimental to us.

I agree with Katy, Hedy, your situation is completely different. I hope my post didn't sound bitter & judgmental. I lived at home all through college and then until I moved out at 23. My parents didn't make me pay rent, but I paid my loans, insurance, car note, etc. There's a difference between help and enabling....

[DebtandMoney]

I agree that helping adult kids does not teach them to be responsible. I have a step-son who is 25. About 18 months ago he was diagonosed as mentally ill and is now on social security disability. He appears perfectly fine but hasn't worked in almost 2 years. He lived with us until almost a year ago when I couldn't take it anymore - he had drug abuse issues, etc. and he has has own apartment. My husband and I have almost $50,000 of credit card and loans not counting a mortgage we are trying to get paid off this year and we have really no emergency fund. My husband jumps in and helps anytime his son has an emergency - car breaks down, window broken, computer breaks, etc. His son sits around all day playing computer games and watching movies. I don't think we should be his emergency fund when we have so much debt and no emergency fund ourselves. It is tight with his disability pay but needs to learn to budget and live frugally. My husband does not agree and helps him out with all emergencies without informing me. Your thoughts on helping adult children in these circumstances?