[MoneyMindedDad]

Money Minded Moms: Need your advice help here. Extended family (siblings, their kids, my family) are meeting for Holidays and want to set up some guidelines so that we don't go crazy with presents. The goal is to have a memorable Christmas that is financially responsible AND without being Spartan. Here are the three rules I'm proposing to my family. What do you think of these three rules??

1) No gifts given unless we will personally see each other over the Holidays

2) Kids get gifts and exchange gifts

3) Adults don't exchange gifts unless the adults want to exchange gifts with the kids (E.g., If aunt/uncle with no kids want to get gifts for my kids, my family would get a gift for the aunt/uncle). It is the childless aunt/uncle's call on whether they want to get gifts for the kids.

[Doreen Kukral]

Money Minded Dad - great idea to set up guidelines otherwise everyone is going to break the bank! It seems like it could get a bit confusing though. Do you think you could get everyone "on board"? If so, by all means give it a try, but here is what my family does (just to share another idea!):

1 - only kids under 18 get gifts. There is a $20 max (could be less if there are many!)
2 - none of the adults get gifts... instead, each adult/couple puts an anonymous amount of money (that they can afford!) in a basket.
3 - each adult then gets to list a local charity of their choice on a piece of paper and puts it in a second basket.
4 - someone randomly selects a piece of paper from the charity basket and all of the collected money gets donated to that charity.

It works for us! None of us need more "things" (especially if it's a "thing" we don't want! {read: WASTED money!}) and a worthwhile cause is helped in the process... What do you think? Would love to know what you decide and how it goes!

This post has been edited by Doreen Kukral: 06 December 2010 - 11:54 PM

[MoneyMindedDad]

Doreen: Thanks for the advice. My learning for this year is: Get these guidlines in place by July Love your approach and agree that simplifying is important. Like the idea of the charity because the raw truth is that there are so many other people that are less fortunate. Would love to find a way to get the kids involved in the charity idea as well. I don't think it's right to not give the kids presents... but it'd be great for the kids to truly understand that there are people struggling for the basics. Any ideas? -- Money Minded Dad

[Doreen Kukral]

Money Minded Dad - ah yes... the coordination would be an issue and July would probably be the time to get started for next year!

As far as the kids, I agree that they get presents, no question about that! But what we did a month ago was take time to clear out things that were still in great condition and donate them. I'm talking about toys, clothes, shoes... and my kids and I talk about how others aren't as fortunate as they are and how excited other children would be to receive some of the toys they no longer needed and their nice clothes that no longer fit. My kids went with me to drop off their donations too.

We also made a shopping trip to a discount grocery store and bought all of the staples that the local food bank requests. We bought peanut butter, tuna, cereal, canned stew, veggies and fruits... and again, they accompanied me to buy the food and make the donation! It starts to put it into perspective for them when they are "a part of it!" Next year, we plan to ask them to use some of their own money to purchase some of this food and since they understand the importance of helping to provide food for those in need, I'm sure they will do it without argument!

Finally, I want them to realize how blessed they are when they are bombarded with toys and gifts this time of year! I need to add that both of my kids have January birthdays and after the family party and parties with friends... well, you can imagine how much they are given for both Christmas and their birthdays. So, to teach them how to appreciate how fortunate they are, I ask them to select 3-4 BRAND NEW TOYS from both Christmas and their birthdays and we donate them as well. For this lesson, we take them to a charity that uses them for a children's home they run for abused and neglected kids. When the kids come into the home they are given a new toy to help ease the trauma. When I explain to my kids that there are children that can no longer live with their families, and how happy those toys would make them, my kids "make that pile" in a jiffy... no whining or complaining.

They are truly giving souls and I am so proud. Since they go with me on all of these excursions, they "get it" too. They may not see the families or children they get to help, but when they see the adults we give them too and they are showered with praise for their generosity, they hold their heads high and are proud of what they've done.

Those lessons will last a LIFETIME! Hope all of these suggestions help! Happy Holidays!!!

[Julie Vazquez]

Doreen Kukral, on 09 December 2010 - 10:30 AM, said:

They are truly giving souls and I am so proud.

Because their mom is a such a wonderful giving soul Kids learn by example and what you're teaching them is awesome.

My boys and I donate to SafeNest (a local shelter for women and their children who have been victims of domestic violence). Twice a year we go through our clothes, shoes, blankets, video games they no longer play, Mp3 players, CD's they no longer listen to etc, and donate them to the shelter. I think some people forget when they donate to shelters and homes that teens are also there and sometimes need things even more than a small child would.

[Katy]

MoneyMindedDad, on 09 December 2010 - 08:29 AM, said:

Doreen: Thanks for the advice. My learning for this year is: Get these guidlines in place by July Love your approach and agree that simplifying is important. Like the idea of the charity because the raw truth is that there are so many other people that are less fortunate. Would love to find a way to get the kids involved in the charity idea as well. I don't think it's right to not give the kids presents... but it'd be great for the kids to truly understand that there are people struggling for the basics. Any ideas? -- Money Minded Dad

What we did was had our three year old son go through his toys and weed out the ones that he doesn't play with anymore. Then we had to sort through and throw away the broken ones and the rest we took to a store that buys gently used kids items. He got $50 on the spot and with that money we went and got an angel off of the Salvation Army tree and bought gifts for it. We agreed with my son to match his $50 and so we contributed as well, and then my son asked everyone who came to Thanksgiving to bring a small gift for the Angel as well. This is the second year we have done this with my son and he finds it to be so exciting.

[Tricia Meyer]

MoneyMindedDad, on 03 December 2010 - 11:05 AM, said:

3) Adults don't exchange gifts unless the adults want to exchange gifts with the kids (E.g., If aunt/uncle with no kids want to get gifts for my kids, my family would get a gift for the aunt/uncle). It is the childless aunt/uncle's call on whether they want to get gifts for the kids.

We do not exchange gifts with the adult siblings. We do buy them for the nieces and nephews and the aunts/uncles buy them for our kids. We actually follow the same guidelines for adult sibling birthdays.

[MoneyMindedDad]

Thank you all for the advice! It is GREAT to get other peoples' perspective!!

[Doreen Kukral]

Julie Vazquez, on 09 December 2010 - 12:09 PM, said:

Because their mom is a such a wonderful giving soul Kids learn by example and what you're teaching them is awesome.

My boys and I donate to SafeNest (a local shelter for women and their children who have been victims of domestic violence). Twice a year we go through our clothes, shoes, blankets, video games they no longer play, Mp3 players, CD's they no longer listen to etc, and donate them to the shelter. I think some people forget when they donate to shelters and homes that teens are also there and sometimes need things even more than a small child would.

[Doreen Kukral]

Thanks, Julie!!! And I love what you and your boys do as well... it IS important to remember that every child in need is NOT necessarily 10 and under! Wonderful reminder!